Day 26 - It's working!

Where has the time gone . . . summer is just flying by!! And there never seems to be enough hours in the day. How will I manage when I get a full time job again??

There have been ups and downs – both on the scale and in my emotions these past few weeks. It’s amazing how the two seem to be tied together! After my first week of writing down everything I ate and all exercise I did, I lost 3.2 lbs. A good start, but difficult to spend that kind of time every day. Especially since I’m supposed to be looking for employment.

We escaped to the mountains for a few days the beginning of August – North Carolina has the most gorgeous High Country area along the Blue Ridge Parkway. We hiked and traipsed over strenuous and not so strenuous trails forthree days. And my body felt it!! There was one trail so strenuous we only went about 1/3 of the way, vowing to go back one day after we’ve each dropped some pounds – say 20 or more!! It had the most spectacular waterfalls and scenery. I can’t wait!!

However, I’ve been drained since that day last Wednesday. We didn’t just do the difficult trail, we did part of an easier one and then in the afternoon discovered a hidden little gem called Elk River Falls – by this time my legs felt like jello but I still maneuvered the climb to get to the falls and back to the car! The memories are worth all the aches and pains I have.

I have some acid reflux issues and can’t take anti-inflamatories like I used too, so I’ve been trying to tolerate the pain. My knees have been hurting and my lower back stiff. Every time I try to get up from a seated position, I feel like I’m 90 and can hardly move. In my head I know the more I move the better I will feel . . . but damn, it hurts! I can understand why people become so sedentary and don’t want to move!! I have gone for a couple of walks, including a two mile one on the greenway in the heat and humidity of the afternoon. Boy, the heat wears me out too! I think I’m probably dehydrated most of the time!

And these wacky hormones . . . God bless my boyfriend for what he’s putting up with! Sleep eludes me most of the time and it doesn’t take much to feel like I’m burning up – sometimes with puddles of sweat and others just hot! I’m still in perimenopause, 7 weeks and counting since my last period and the longest I’ve ever gone without one is 10 weeks. I think and hope the end of my menses is near!!

I was very discouraged upon my return from the mountains and discovered that the scales were up almost five pounds! With all that exercise and water, I didn’t expect the betrayal. I was tempted to say ‘eff it, but remembered how much I really want to finish the Lower Pond Creek Trail at Lake Coffey – the strenuous one that indicates, “somewhat rugged and a little difficult in places, most healthy individuals in moderate shape will find it very negotiable.” I really focused this week on low carbs and lots of fruits and vegetables to go with a moderate amount of protein. I think it’s paying off . . . the scales were the lowest they’ve been in a long time this morning! I’m down a total of 6.6 lbs., taking off the increase of last week and then some. I’m very proud of myself!!

Now, if I can just continue to stick with it. It’s not easy to afford the healthier foods on unemployment. I’d love to eat fish more often, at least a couple times a week, and I’m trying new kinds of grains and vegetables I’m not familiar with. Makes it fun to research recipes and make delectable delights for the palate and my Sweetie. I’ve found a quinoa and ground turkey stuffed into multi-colored peppers recipe that I’m looking forward to trying. Earlier this week I made some interesting salads – one with peaches and avocado with a roasted red pepper vanilla bean dressing and the other a fennel and apple with gorgonzola cheese. Both were very good!! Also made some baba ganoush to snack on with multi-grain twists. I know I can do this . . . I have plans to return back to belly dancing the middle of September. I should start practicing my shimmies and hip hits! My knees and hips will love me . . .

Day 2 - Is it too early to give up?

I was wandering aimlessly around the grocery store last night trying to decide what to do for dinner. It was already after 7:00 pm and my thoughts of trying to eat earlier were already defeated. I’d had a good, healthy breakfast and a salad for lunch so was absolutely starving by the time I got to the store – never a good thing! Especially since ‘diet’ is one of those dirty four letter words that I don’t like using, much preferring lifestyle change . . . I wanted to give up and revert back to the box of pasta, a jar of sauce and some ground beef, it seemed too hard.

A deep inhale and constant self-talk of ‘you can do this’ sent my focus back in the right direction. I picked up some Corvina fish – had never heard of it and upon researching found that it’s a general name for a boatload of white, firm-fleshed fish, similar to sea bass. (No, not quite as wonderful as the Chilean variety!) While at the store, I stocked up on some fresh fruits (cherries, blue berries, peaches and red plums) as well as some veggies to accompany our fish. I’d prefer to get most of my produce at a local market and eat as sustainable as possible, but haven’t found one to cater to someone who doesn’t think about dinner until 7ish on a Monday eve! Now that might be a new line of work for me! LOL

As I may have mentioned, I love to cook and am taking a vow to do it as healthy as possible without sacrificing taste, flavor and my creative flair that I tremendously enjoy. It was getting late and I had to get dinner going or we were going to be eating at 11 pm – it wouldn’t have been the first time! I brushed the fish on both sides with olive oil that I had sprinkled with basil, cayenne, salt and pepper and let that marinate a bit while I began preparing the quinoa. For that I sautéed sweet white onion, mushrooms, zucchini and yellow squash. Stirred the veggies into the cooked quinoa and added some fresh squeezed lemon juice and basil chiffonade. I’d also picked up some heirloom tomatoes – I’ve heard such wonderful things about them, especially the North Carolina ones! I cut the funky shaped red one in wedges, the yellow one in thinner slices and the dark greenish red one in smaller pieces and tossed with scallions (white and green parts) and more of the fresh basil, dousing it all with kosher salt, ground pepper, olive oil and red wine vinegar. It added some great color to our plates!

I broiled the fish for about 8 minutes. It was flaky and succulent and one I’ll definitely purchase again! I’d bought too much, but the leftovers will make some great fish tacos! And we have enough left over quinoa for lunch – but not today, venturing out to use a Groupon I got several months back that expires tomorrow! Hope I don’t stray too much from my eating plan, but if I do, I’ll work at getting back on track!

Oops . . . I’m supposed to be ready, guess I better get into the shower . . .

Time for Change

It’s time to make a change. I’ve been saying this over and over, but action needs to be taken - NOW. Why is it so hard for me to do what I know I need to do? I know I’m like most every other person in this same situation, but I still ask, ‘why?’

I’ve been a bigger, over-weight girl my entire life. I wore a woman’s 6 shoe in kindergarten and have size and heft in my genes. Come on, I really am big boned!! I’m 5’ 8” and when I graduated from high school weighed about 200 pounds. I never felt unattractive and always had pretty good self-esteem, until I got married, but that’s another story!

Up until a few years ago and a torn knee ligament, I was always very active – belly dancing, bike riding, tennis, walking/hiking. I didn’t even let meralgia paresthetica or bursitis in my right hip slow me down. And then I turned 50 and peri-menopause struck big time – I justify everything with peri-menopause! Now I’ve become sedate, lethargic and I’m feeling it. I wake every morning after a restless nights sleep, achy and not wanting to move. Every shooting pain wreaks havoc on my brain. “Am I dying?” Well, of course, at some point I’ll die; but I don’t think at this very moment. Though my Grandmother’s death haunts me, she was 53 too, and her heart suddenly burst, she died instantly. Good way to go, here one moment, gone the next, but I’m not ready for that!!

You’d think my grandmother’s passing 48 years ago would be enough to be a wake up call, but medical technology has made so many advances over the years and of course there is the “it can’t happen to me” scenario. There was a scare a few years ago, constant chest pain was finally diagnosed as acid reflux, only after a battery of tests to determine my heart was in great shape. Even that wasn’t enough of a kick in my ass . . . but some recent blood work results had some startling numbers that is forcing me to open my eyes wide and take a good hard look at myself.

My weight is up, last I checked a few weeks ago it was 254 (it was 247 when I met my boyfriend two years ago and this is the range I have been in for years), my diet hasn’t been that great of late – too many sweets, cheeses high in fat, not enough fruits and vegetables, visit to my parents (wow, that’s another story too!!), portions way too large, too many bad carbs, dinners way too late . . . I could go on and on. My cholesterol is high – 240 (though my HDL is high so that’s good!); my triglycerides are high, too – 272; and for the first time in my life my blood sugar is abnormal with a fasting level of 104 – not necessarily in the pre-diabetic range, but heading there!

If I know I can improve my health and prolong my life by making some simple changes, why the fuck haven’t I done it before now?!! I can’t dwell on my past erroneous ways. I can only look at today and tomorrow and take baby steps necessary to make the changes that I need too. Adding more physical activity is a must. I know what I have to do eating wise, I’ve done Weight Watchers often enough, it’s just doing it. I love to cook and I can cook healthy just as much as I can unhealthy. I don’t believe in depriving ones self; didn’t Julia Child say, “Everything in moderation . . . including moderation.” It’s a good philosophy to adhere too.

And what better time to make changes, I’m not depressed; I’m actually in a happier place than I’ve been in years. I have a supporting partner who handles the fluctuating hormones, tears and wild mood swings with a Kleenex, hug, and patience. He’s my rock of Gibraltar, and I am so blessed that he entered my life. He’d support me 100% and my changes would be good for him too. I think I’ll suggest a walk for this lazy Sunday afternoon . . .