I’ve been a bigger, over-weight girl my entire life. I wore a woman’s 6 shoe in kindergarten and have size and heft in my genes. Come on, I really am big boned!! I’m 5’ 8” and when I graduated from high school weighed about 200 pounds. I never felt unattractive and always had pretty good self-esteem, until I got married, but that’s another story!
Up until a few years ago and a torn knee ligament, I was always very active – belly dancing, bike riding, tennis, walking/hiking. I didn’t even let meralgia paresthetica or bursitis in my right hip slow me down. And then I turned 50 and peri-menopause struck big time – I justify everything with peri-menopause! Now I’ve become sedate, lethargic and I’m feeling it. I wake every morning after a restless nights sleep, achy and not wanting to move. Every shooting pain wreaks havoc on my brain. “Am I dying?” Well, of course, at some point I’ll die; but I don’t think at this very moment. Though my Grandmother’s death haunts me, she was 53 too, and her heart suddenly burst, she died instantly. Good way to go, here one moment, gone the next, but I’m not ready for that!!
You’d think my grandmother’s passing 48 years ago would be enough to be a wake up call, but medical technology has made so many advances over the years and of course there is the “it can’t happen to me” scenario. There was a scare a few years ago, constant chest pain was finally diagnosed as acid reflux, only after a battery of tests to determine my heart was in great shape. Even that wasn’t enough of a kick in my ass . . . but some recent blood work results had some startling numbers that is forcing me to open my eyes wide and take a good hard look at myself.
My weight is up, last I checked a few weeks ago it was 254 (it was 247 when I met my boyfriend two years ago and this is the range I have been in for years), my diet hasn’t been that great of late – too many sweets, cheeses high in fat, not enough fruits and vegetables, visit to my parents (wow, that’s another story too!!), portions way too large, too many bad carbs, dinners way too late . . . I could go on and on. My cholesterol is high – 240 (though my HDL is high so that’s good!); my triglycerides are high, too – 272; and for the first time in my life my blood sugar is abnormal with a fasting level of 104 – not necessarily in the pre-diabetic range, but heading there!
If I know I can improve my health and prolong my life by making some simple changes, why the fuck haven’t I done it before now?!! I can’t dwell on my past erroneous ways. I can only look at today and tomorrow and take baby steps necessary to make the changes that I need too. Adding more physical activity is a must. I know what I have to do eating wise, I’ve done Weight Watchers often enough, it’s just doing it. I love to cook and I can cook healthy just as much as I can unhealthy. I don’t believe in depriving ones self; didn’t Julia Child say, “Everything in moderation . . . including moderation.” It’s a good philosophy to adhere too.
And what better time to make changes, I’m not depressed; I’m actually in a happier place than I’ve been in years. I have a supporting partner who handles the fluctuating hormones, tears and wild mood swings with a Kleenex, hug, and patience. He’s my rock of Gibraltar, and I am so blessed that he entered my life. He’d support me 100% and my changes would be good for him too. I think I’ll suggest a walk for this lazy Sunday afternoon . . .
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