Day 2 - Is it too early to give up?

I was wandering aimlessly around the grocery store last night trying to decide what to do for dinner. It was already after 7:00 pm and my thoughts of trying to eat earlier were already defeated. I’d had a good, healthy breakfast and a salad for lunch so was absolutely starving by the time I got to the store – never a good thing! Especially since ‘diet’ is one of those dirty four letter words that I don’t like using, much preferring lifestyle change . . . I wanted to give up and revert back to the box of pasta, a jar of sauce and some ground beef, it seemed too hard.

A deep inhale and constant self-talk of ‘you can do this’ sent my focus back in the right direction. I picked up some Corvina fish – had never heard of it and upon researching found that it’s a general name for a boatload of white, firm-fleshed fish, similar to sea bass. (No, not quite as wonderful as the Chilean variety!) While at the store, I stocked up on some fresh fruits (cherries, blue berries, peaches and red plums) as well as some veggies to accompany our fish. I’d prefer to get most of my produce at a local market and eat as sustainable as possible, but haven’t found one to cater to someone who doesn’t think about dinner until 7ish on a Monday eve! Now that might be a new line of work for me! LOL

As I may have mentioned, I love to cook and am taking a vow to do it as healthy as possible without sacrificing taste, flavor and my creative flair that I tremendously enjoy. It was getting late and I had to get dinner going or we were going to be eating at 11 pm – it wouldn’t have been the first time! I brushed the fish on both sides with olive oil that I had sprinkled with basil, cayenne, salt and pepper and let that marinate a bit while I began preparing the quinoa. For that I sautéed sweet white onion, mushrooms, zucchini and yellow squash. Stirred the veggies into the cooked quinoa and added some fresh squeezed lemon juice and basil chiffonade. I’d also picked up some heirloom tomatoes – I’ve heard such wonderful things about them, especially the North Carolina ones! I cut the funky shaped red one in wedges, the yellow one in thinner slices and the dark greenish red one in smaller pieces and tossed with scallions (white and green parts) and more of the fresh basil, dousing it all with kosher salt, ground pepper, olive oil and red wine vinegar. It added some great color to our plates!

I broiled the fish for about 8 minutes. It was flaky and succulent and one I’ll definitely purchase again! I’d bought too much, but the leftovers will make some great fish tacos! And we have enough left over quinoa for lunch – but not today, venturing out to use a Groupon I got several months back that expires tomorrow! Hope I don’t stray too much from my eating plan, but if I do, I’ll work at getting back on track!

Oops . . . I’m supposed to be ready, guess I better get into the shower . . .

Time for Change

It’s time to make a change. I’ve been saying this over and over, but action needs to be taken - NOW. Why is it so hard for me to do what I know I need to do? I know I’m like most every other person in this same situation, but I still ask, ‘why?’

I’ve been a bigger, over-weight girl my entire life. I wore a woman’s 6 shoe in kindergarten and have size and heft in my genes. Come on, I really am big boned!! I’m 5’ 8” and when I graduated from high school weighed about 200 pounds. I never felt unattractive and always had pretty good self-esteem, until I got married, but that’s another story!

Up until a few years ago and a torn knee ligament, I was always very active – belly dancing, bike riding, tennis, walking/hiking. I didn’t even let meralgia paresthetica or bursitis in my right hip slow me down. And then I turned 50 and peri-menopause struck big time – I justify everything with peri-menopause! Now I’ve become sedate, lethargic and I’m feeling it. I wake every morning after a restless nights sleep, achy and not wanting to move. Every shooting pain wreaks havoc on my brain. “Am I dying?” Well, of course, at some point I’ll die; but I don’t think at this very moment. Though my Grandmother’s death haunts me, she was 53 too, and her heart suddenly burst, she died instantly. Good way to go, here one moment, gone the next, but I’m not ready for that!!

You’d think my grandmother’s passing 48 years ago would be enough to be a wake up call, but medical technology has made so many advances over the years and of course there is the “it can’t happen to me” scenario. There was a scare a few years ago, constant chest pain was finally diagnosed as acid reflux, only after a battery of tests to determine my heart was in great shape. Even that wasn’t enough of a kick in my ass . . . but some recent blood work results had some startling numbers that is forcing me to open my eyes wide and take a good hard look at myself.

My weight is up, last I checked a few weeks ago it was 254 (it was 247 when I met my boyfriend two years ago and this is the range I have been in for years), my diet hasn’t been that great of late – too many sweets, cheeses high in fat, not enough fruits and vegetables, visit to my parents (wow, that’s another story too!!), portions way too large, too many bad carbs, dinners way too late . . . I could go on and on. My cholesterol is high – 240 (though my HDL is high so that’s good!); my triglycerides are high, too – 272; and for the first time in my life my blood sugar is abnormal with a fasting level of 104 – not necessarily in the pre-diabetic range, but heading there!

If I know I can improve my health and prolong my life by making some simple changes, why the fuck haven’t I done it before now?!! I can’t dwell on my past erroneous ways. I can only look at today and tomorrow and take baby steps necessary to make the changes that I need too. Adding more physical activity is a must. I know what I have to do eating wise, I’ve done Weight Watchers often enough, it’s just doing it. I love to cook and I can cook healthy just as much as I can unhealthy. I don’t believe in depriving ones self; didn’t Julia Child say, “Everything in moderation . . . including moderation.” It’s a good philosophy to adhere too.

And what better time to make changes, I’m not depressed; I’m actually in a happier place than I’ve been in years. I have a supporting partner who handles the fluctuating hormones, tears and wild mood swings with a Kleenex, hug, and patience. He’s my rock of Gibraltar, and I am so blessed that he entered my life. He’d support me 100% and my changes would be good for him too. I think I’ll suggest a walk for this lazy Sunday afternoon . . .